Pragmatically the goal of self-defense is to avoid or deescalate the situation quickly and safely. Boundary setting accomplishes this by monitoring threats based on your ethical code. Once you know what is and is not acceptable, you will have no problem taking precautions to protect not only your body, but also your state of mind. When faced with a self–defense situation, every person has to work through two facets: knowing your moral/ethical limits and threat assessment.
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Each person has a set of beliefs which are things that are “real” to the person. Those realities turn into values which are the things someone finds important. The hierarchy of values develop that person’s morals or ideology of what is right and wrong. Each progression leads to your ethics or rules to which you adhere. This connects to boundary setting because you will always be at a disadvantage when a threat has violated your beliefs/morals/values/ethics without your attempt to maintain them. For instance, if you believe in personal space and you find it important to have that elbow room, you will view an unwelcome advance into your personal space as wrong. It is at this point when a lack of boundary setting has let someone infringe on your ethical code. If you value space, then you must enforce your claim to your space. I am only speaking ethically not legally. One should not wait until they are in a fight to decide when they are willing to fight. Knowing ahead of time what your limits and boundaries are allows you to make better decisions in a timely fashion.


The next step is recognizing a threat. You will never be able to recognize a threat if you do not understand the boundaries they are attempting to penetrate. This process is commonly referred to as awareness, but this is an oversimplification. The truth is that many people have tons of experience but they don’t take the time to analyze it. Can you recognize a con man in a movie? Then you can in real life. Some things are that simple. You know what is normal to you. When things aren’t, your body sends you signals like an elevated heartrate, compulsion to listen carefully, or tunnel vision. The problem with self-defense is that the perpetrator is not going to attack when you are ready. They look for the lost, weak, or distracted. Therefore, your experience may not be enough. If you have never been mugged then you may not know the signs. You should seek out training that will give you the information to recognize problems before they can escalate. Awareness is the process of information collection and interpretation. The key is to understand how the information relates to your situation.


Together boundary setting is knowing who you are and what the situation is. From this base, all other techniques and tactics arise. Otherwise, you might over- or underreact to a situation.


Torriente Toliver


Torriente is the owner and head instructor at Mind Body Defense which is a kickboxing and self-defense school in Chicago IL. He has over 20 years of martial arts experience and believes that self-defense is about empowerment through mental and physical training. For more information please visit his website MindBodyDefenseChicago.com

Name: Torriente Toliver
Years practicing: 22
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What led you to opening your own kickboxing/self-defense studio?
I wanted to create the martial arts school where I always wanted to train. I wanted to help people get all the benefits I gained through martial arts. This school would let me make the difference I believe the world needs.

What is your favorite part of teaching?
I love watching the light in my student’s eyes glow when they really understand something and grow.

What is your favorite technique?
520 degree jump spinning kick because it's as close to flying as I can get.

What do you want your students to know about you?
I still am learning and training to get better just like they are. Even though I am the instructor, I feel that each class is a collaboration for us to both grow and learn.

What is the best part of owning your own studio?
I can change things if the students’ needs change. It feels great to be able to control the learning environment and shape it for each student, each class.  

What was the hardest technique you learned?
Side kick. I learned it in 15 minutes. It took 15 years for me to do it correctly.

What makes a good student?
Speaking up for yourself (asking questions), taking breaks when needed, and never giving up. These are also the 3 class rules.

What makes a good teacher?
Supporting each student individually, structured progression (so students are always challenged), purposeful action (no work that is not directly related to the goal)

Who is kickboxing for?
Those who want to get fit (improve strength, flexibility, and cardio) through fun purposeful actions like punching and kicking. Kickboxing is exercising without knowing because you are so focused on the activity. This class works well for people who: 1. Want to get in shape, but do not like the traditional exercises 2. Those who love exercising, but want to mix it up 3. Those who want to work out in a small group with lots of personal attention.

Who is self-defense for?
Those who want to be able to protect themselves and others both mentally and physically. Self-defense is the ultimate challenge because regardless of your fitness you are pushed to your physical limits. People who would like self-defense include: 1. Martial artists who want to practice their skills practically 2. Non-athletes who want to learn how to combat a bigger/stronger adversary 3. Women and men who want to feel safer in this ever changing world.